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Friends with benefits or dating

Or at least, without getting super-jealous and –esque?

Some assume that one of the “buddies” is always being strung along, secretly hoping that the fucking leads to something more serious.

Others dismiss fuck-buddy dynamics as just being compulsive sex that’s devoid of emotion. Surely it’s possible to find a middle ground between eternal love and zombie-fucking a stranger: a place where you can care about someone, have good sex, and yet not want to literally implode at the thought of them sleeping with someone else. Case in point: The most significant romantic friendship of my life was with an ex-editor of mine, whom I’ll call Malcolm.

We started “a thing” five years ago and have yet to end it.

Boyfriends and girlfriends have come and gone, but my friends with benefits have stood the test of time. That’s longer than I predict my first marriage will last.

And while I can’t imagine being with my Cuba date “for real”—I mean, he’s a low-key homeless anarchist who once took me on date to his Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meeting; there are red flags—I still value our relationship immensely.

And he actually knows me better than a lot of my partners ever did.

Read more: Top ten tips for an office romance But does this tell the whole story?

Even so, research shows that these relationships, if the ‘transition’ is managed well, are just as successful as relationships that don’t arise from a friends-first scenario.

Evidently the determining factor is simply whether the decision to start a relationship is well-discussed and mutually wanted.

Don’t suddenly act closed off or start trying too hard just because you’re dating.

Your friend was attracted to you for who you are as a friend, so keep being you”.

815 comments

  1. Unless you're dating down, like that friend of mine did, you're going to have high turnover rates among your friends with benefits - it just isn't a relationship most women remain in for any lengthy period of time. Maybe think of an FWB relationship as test driving a new or used; as you like it car - sure, there might be a couple.

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