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Dating a sikh woman

After the 3rd or so time of Sundeep skipping out of his kitchen whilst I cooked, I realised, right, time to confront this.

I asked him why he left the kitchen whenever we had decided ‘to cook together.’ And his response was ‘Oh I thought you liked doing this for me.’ Now, I know this is because at home he is used to being ‘served’ by his mum and sisters, but again this expectation of the female ‘serving’ the male is an inherited Punjabi ideology.

He would come down an hour or two later and say, ‘How’s it going?

I remember when I began dating my husband, he made some 'jokey' comments which made me think, “gosh, I’m NEVER going to marry this typical Punjabi guy.” Here are some comments; a) “So when you become a housewife…” b) “When we have 5 children…” c) “When you’ll prepare my lunches…” With comment a) my reaction was, “So when did you ask me whether I wanted to become a housewife?This article is not for the Punjabi boys who are in denial about being a “mummy’s boy”.I am not saying that it is wrong to be a mummy’s boy, only to become conscious of the discrimination that still lies in our society today, and why I feel (girls like myself) thought they would never marry a Sikh PUNJABI boy.” To be honest, I was surprised at 5, I do not think all Punjabi boys want 5 children and nor do I think it is wrong, but again the expectation that ‘This is what I want – therefore it will happen.’ Is a very male controlling state of mind.Also, coming from a family of four kids and one child being special needs, I always felt we were a ‘big’ family.But there is also the Punjabi culture that the boy is the superior gender and therefore a female should serve him.This was highlighted during an akhand paath Sundeep’s mum held for us, many women said ‘May you be blessed with sons.’ (2014).In response I asked him, “Do you not feel I would like to make some calls and play some music too?If we do this together, we can finish quicker and chill longer.” Now you may be thinking, “why on earth did I marry this sexist Punjabi boy who calls himself Sikh?It takes the spirit of our Gurus to confront the things that are the most uncomfortable.The simple truth is, that as women alone we cannot change gender inequality.


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