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Now I went to spin classes, barre classes, and a gym boot camp.

I met with a personal trainer and planned out a way to reach my fitness goals. But the trainers at the gym recognize me, and a few even know me by name. Downsides: If you choose to use food as a means to cope with a breakup, do so with a friend.

I bought myself new bathing suits and went to the beach. I went to cast parties and had a snuggle pile on a damp lawn with other tipsy theater kids. I went out to gay bars and embraced my bisexuality, distancing myself from my previous relationship and reasserting my queer identity. I wore my shortest skirts, highest heels, and reddest lipstick. I got number after number, smiled as widely as I could, and left the clubs exhausted, sore, satisfied, and solo. After my breakup, I extended friendship feelers in all directions.

I tried all sorts of things, from reconnecting with old friends to blocking my ex on every single social media channel imaginable.

Here’s a list of everything I tried, along with an honest assessment of how each one worked for me.

I also wanted to know how my experiences lined up with the scientific consensus on what helps people get over breakups, so I asked relationship researchers to weigh in on my list.

One of these particularly low moments, I scared myself into anger — at my ex, at myself, at this entire stupid situation.

How dare he not fight harder for this relationship?

542 comments

  1. Jul 7, 2015. 5. Don't pry. When they want to talk about their last relationship and share with you, they will. 6. They know how to be a girlfriend or boyfriend and that instinct automatically kicks in. Being in a relationship is their default setting, even if they aren't trying to fully commit to you. 7. Their ex might still be in their life.

  2. Jul 8, 2016. Lea and Paetz seriously dated from April 2014 to February of this year. Then, in May, Lea met Robert Buckley, which means she was single for a whole two months after a super serious relationship before jumping into a new one and I'm going to call the Buckley thing a "relationship" because she made it.

  3. So, im single now. After being 7 years in a LTR, things with my bf definetely ended in April. Im casually seeing one guy, but completely open in case any other appears. I DO NOT want to be in a relationship, i completely refuse it, cause i suffered like crazy the last year in my LTR, and the breakup, and it was.

  4. What are your thoughts of this “timing issue” following a long term marriage, as in when to begin dating again? Eliza. Dear Eliza. My Mom was widowed after 30 years and it took her about 3 years to be ready to date again. It would have. And I can recognise it myself, when I just finished a 6-year relationship. At this.

  5. Picture it You meet someone you're interested in, only to find out soon after that he or she just got out of a relationship. If you mention this to your friends, you'll be hit with comments like these “It's not going to work because you are just the rebound relationship;” “Be careful because this new person shouldn't jump right into.

  6. Apr 10, 2014. It wasn't until the dismantlement of the five-year relationship I was in that I understood why people jump from one relationship to the next. The part directly following a breakup is. Because inevitably, after being with a person for some time, you visualize that person in your future. Still, jumping into another.

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